I kind of forget how much I have going on in my brain until I get slapped in the face with something I have forgotten to do, missed or just half heartedly done.
Today was/is one of those days and quite frankly I feel like shit about it. I forgot, again, to go to a show assembly at school. Just after Christmas I forgot Harvey’s and I turned up to his classroom and he was in floods of tears sobbing hysterically that I missed it. And there I was this morning, eating her birthday cake and just finished up a phone call with the Mother and my good friend asks if i’m okay – as I wasn’t at Elsie’s class assembly. I just imagined her little face looking around for me whilst she was sitting their proudly about to perform and yet she can’t see me. And my heart just sinks.
And then it hits me in the face, like a fucking tonne of bricks, that actually I do have way too much going on in my head and quite frankly I can’t keep up with all of this. I can’t remember everything, I can’t DO everything and I certainly can’t keep up with being the parent I always imagined I would be.
Over dramatic? Probably. But let me have my day of feeling like shit and feeling sorry for myself, ok?
Being a solo Mum really does have so many perks, like it REALLY does. I have become so much more relaxed and content in my surroundings. There is no pressure (not that I was ever made to feel like I should be doing anything specifically) and we can just.. be. But with it also comes the upheaval of morning routines on your own, and remembering all the trips, all the assemblies, all the packed lunches and all the bloody everything. And to be honest, my memory is shit, i’m not organised enough to do things the night before and I just don’t caaare about homework.
But also with being a solo Mum you have all the guilt and all the heartbreak, and it is a lot for one emotional Mother to take on let me tell you now. Of course, we have all this emotion when we are not going solo too – maybe not being able to offload at the end of the day is what is exhausting.
With all that out the way, we’ll end on a happy note. Birthday pancakes are totally a thing in our house, and no birthday would ever be the same without them. So dairy free batter was whipped up before school yesterday and here are a few ‘day in the life of’ snaps of the birthday girl.